by seventeen years




read the track titles in order

everything you hear see and feel was and is written, played, recorded, and produced by myself (with the exception of the featured artists) in my bedroom late at night. i live in kansas city.


released January 20, 2016

album art: cargocollective.com/JohnAusdenmoore




all rights reserved
Track Name: i was weak but then
we're alright
always high
looking out for us
no one cares
thats alright
we're alone
living just for us
always hung

when it comes
when its there with you at night
i dont know want you to worry about whats not
realize that you have to be enough
and its alright
and you know that
im sincere when it comes to making up:
make it new;
making new, new memories
lets just say that
no one wants to be in the wrong
and so thats so hard
to give up
Track Name: i felt chemistry
and you feel it
coming up like waves

cant you see that
i assume that it means that i can hide
when the wind pushes against your cells?

when i push
you pull it out

i assume that it means that thats the way
that i goes
telling myself "i know,
forget it man. it's just a waste of time.
dont know you? nothing is worth your heart."

then i guess i'm just never right
but that means
im right about that then

so when you push
ill pull it
when you push
ill pull it out
Track Name: all of the dread
until i am all you got

i don't want to wait around no more

but no
im right here waiting
im right here always

dont you think its time that you should give it up?
dont you think its time that you should learn the right way?
Track Name: left me for the first time
i know you're stuck in the middle
though your heart beats soft

i feel stupid
and i feel in love
but we just dont talk
and thats just how it is
baked out
naked in my bedsheets
crawling through the ashtray
never know what she means
i feel useless
and who knows what else
and you just dont call
so i just dont care
and i dont have anyone tonight
i dont have anyone tonight

who would you make me out to be?

stay up all night
pass out all around
you're not alright
no one has to know
Track Name: and i blossomed into myself
low confidence though
she heals like the sun
and i blossom
into myself
and i blossomed
into myself
and it's steady
i feel right at home
and i blossom
into myself
and i blossom
into myself

you won't believe me
it's not the thought of it
there is no reason
softer than your wrists
and are you blessed yet
or are you watered down?
it isn't easy
and i can't help you now

(sometimes things take time)
i cant see the sun or help enough
its too ingrained inside my head
i can't seem to stop or help it now
it's too ingrained inside my head
Track Name: but i had to escape
i cannot seem to connect
with anything
or anyone
am i too inside my head
or am i just

always sick
always bored
always sick
always dumb and bored

dont ignore me
but dont annoy me
just be okay
if at ever possible
dont ignore me
but dont admire me
just be okay
if at ever possible

i can feel you
resting on the flower
i cant help you
tried to pick you up
i cant help it
i want to lay around and sleep all day alone
Track Name: and i crossed my heart
i know everything
about you but i
know nothing
about myself
can i see you sometime tonight?
when will you stop crossing your arms?
dont stop when you think you're smothering me
i dont care if i can't breathe at all
i've spent enough time waiting
and i can't wait anymore
Track Name: then inside the loneliness (ft. the lolitas)
"you think you look so good"
and he says that you look so good

tell me it just how it felt
and tell me how good you think it felt
and tell me how good he said it felt
and tell me how good you thought it felt
Track Name: i remembered you
we're always too tired to do anything
and when i see you on the flip side
i'll catch you

it always feels like monday every day
and when they see on the flip side
because you are of so much value
they'll cut you up
they'll all want a piece

your heart, when I feel it
you make it all golden
now i need it

don't wanna make it like feel alright
you make it all go away
now i'm needy

your heart,
when i feel it
you make it all golden
now i need it
Track Name: and there was hope (ft. shiiniigamii)
you say it's all alright

you say its all alright
but when i close my eyes to sleep at night
can't sleep sleep at all
can't sleep and i
can't calm down when
my head's so loud

i can't kill myself all night
and when im sad i can't pretend im not
"but when im sad im not like you at all
and when i need my space i need it"

got quick down on my knees
i dunno
its not where i thought i would be

every body just seems like they're the same to me
every body just seems so similar to me
Track Name: my collar bones stopped aching (ft. shiiniigamii)
i know im falling apart
my bodies pulling apart
and my heart is asleep
and now its hardest to sleep

and every one is the same
i know i shouldnt complain
its just i always want more
everythings such a bore
Track Name: i will swallow my pride
while you're gone
i need something to prop up all my veins
sleeping in
always tired and drugged up
stuck inside her haze

take it in
coughing in my day
shrug it off
sick and tired of noticing your faults
take a hit
i take them for you every day
its okay
i know now that i could never leave

i can't watch
and i need to
i need to relax
there's no where
there's no where left for me to crash
Track Name: and when we consummate
its not right
i feel sick
and i feel so
"so suffer!"
and i feel so
over done
its the same
and i feel so
oh you know
well you know
well you know
so alone

oh my
heaven help me
hold my
head, she's holy
oh my
heaven help me
oh my
her hands are holier than i

all the way home
i kept asking myself
if all the way home
you were worried like i was

well alright
lets say i wanna stick around
like i wanna be alive
lets say i wanna stick around
Track Name: i can finally swallow
i dont fall asleep anymore
i passout
but outside its so nice
so please just get up just one time
summer is coming its spring i want to see you
theres so many things left that weve still got to do
and time is stuck
we couldnt be any earlier
catching sunshine on its way up and when it returns
water in my ears makes me sound like im drowning
drowning out the sound of our young hearts pounding
heaven is falling you can catch on your tongue
consummate with rain in the back of your first car
constantly obsessed with the thought of running away
desperately impress by the way that you're never afraid
Track Name: and rest in peace
in saying everything to you i guess i made a fool of myself
instead of writing off and off whatevers feeding all the lies
i didn't believe you
and now ill pay for it
now ill pay it happily

you're always changing and
you're everything that i want to be
out there
through all the changes
we made it out alive
to be out here
Track Name: but always dreaming of you
your hands all over me
your hands all over me
ingest benzodiazapine
so i dont feel so ugly
your waist
in my finger tips
and i catch you
when sun down hits
your hands all over me
your hands all over me